I Know I Said I Wouldn't Be Around Much, BUT....

I need to get something off my chest.  So, here goes...

Remember how I told y'all I'd had a bunch of tests done lately?  Well, almost 2 months ago I had a mammogram and an ultrasound of my breast done because sometimes I could feel a lump and sometimes it hurt. (How's that for a run-on sentence?)  Anyway, the doctor told me she felt it could be related to my hormones because they were out of whack, but wanted me to have the tests done just to make sure.  I appreciate that.  To say that I didn't ever had a mental battle with that little lump would be lying, even though there is no history of breast cancer in my family.  Both tests showed absolutely nothing - not even anything to deem suspicious.  There simply wasn't anything there.  The radiologist told me that as we age, breast tissue can change and become lumpy.  Also, a surge of hormones can cause inflammation in a lymph node which could give some discomfort.  Given the placement of the lump and the fact that most of my discomfort was during 'that time of the month', he felt that this was probably the case in my situation.  Rest in peace, my mind was put to ease.  My gynecologist seemed satisfied with the results.

Fast forward to today....

I get a call from a nurse at my gynecologist's office.  She said that the doctor wanted to know how that lump was doing.  "I haven't been having any issues."  Well, she was going to refer me to a surgical group. I'm going out on a limb here and assuming it's the same surgical group that she referred me to that removed my gall bladder.  I told her that since both of the tests showed absolutely nothing and the doctor had told me that it was probably hormone related, that made sense to me.  She then said, "Well, if you change your mind, let us know."  End of phone call.

Now, here's where I want to pick y'alls brains.

Here's what went through my head:
1) Wouldn't a surgical group be used for something invasive, like biopsies?
2) Why would she want to refer me to a surgeon for a non-existent lump?  What would there be to biopsy?
3) If it was something she was still truly concerned about, why would she wait almost 2 months to schedule me for an appointment with the surgeon?  After all, wouldn't possible cancer take precedence over a gall bladder?
4) If she was concerned enough to refer me to a surgeon, wouldn't she have made a real push to have it investigated further instead of just a, "Well, if you change your mind..."?
5) Could my beloved doctor really be a racketeer in cahoots with the surgical group for kick-backs? Note: I'm not usually a conspiracy theorist, but something just doesn't seem to add up to me at this point.
6) Or, could there really be something she's concerned about and just not telling me?  Although, this doesn't make sense in my mind either due to the fact that I had 2 tests done that showed absolutely nothing.  And, aren't ultrasounds pretty much the gold standard for finding tumors?

I would like to be rational about this.  My mind in leaning towards #5 at this moment - but maybe that really is being illogical.  I know I'm not always the sharpest knife in the drawer and I have had no formal medical schooling.  So, any thoughts, please? :0)

XO,
Pam

Update and a Free DVD Offer

It was a week ago today that I had my gall bladder removed.  The surgery went well and I was home to sleep on my own reclining sofa that evening.  I have spent the past week recuperating and waiting for my energy and strength to return to pre-surgery status.  I thank those of you who took time to comment and encourage me with your stories and your prayers.  Hugs to you all.

This past week has given me plenty of time for contemplation and evaluation about how our days go, what we accomplish and whether or not the results are in line with what I want to have happen in our days.  The bottom line is; there are priorities that need to be restructured.  As I have been feeling a pull towards a more natural/simple life style in the areas of what we eat and how we live in general, I feel that pull more strongly in other areas lately. 

I am feeling the need to pull back more from technology.  Not that there is anything wrong with it.  On the contrary - I find it to be very helpful.  Sometimes too helpful.  It can tend to be a big time suck for me.  Even blogging anything worth reading takes a great deal of time to order the thoughts on the screen, spell check, edit and make it flow properly.  Obviously, I haven't written much worth reading in quite a while. :0)  But, then that leaves me riddled with guilt.  Between blogging, Facebook, and just checking my e-mails - I am spending way more time on this wonderful piece of technology we call the computer than I want to.

I would rather my days be spent on more productive things like gardening, working on my sewing projects, taking walks with my son and just spending more quality one on one time with him in general.  Even though we're home together every day, I feel that there are so many things that take my time and attention that we don't spend "quality" time together.  He is the only child I have.  I only have this season once.  There is no way to redeem time once it is gone.  I don't want to have regrets one day because I was too busy to give my attention to the things that are most important in my life. 

So, I have decided to give blogging and other areas of computer time a new place on my list of priorities. They are being demoted.  Actually, this blog has been severely neglected for a while.  But, I have decided to let go of the guilt of it.  :0)  I will check in on occasion - only if there is anything really worth reporting.  I truly admire those women that seem to be able to do projects, write beautiful blog posts about them every day and still manage to make quality time with their families.  Unfortunately, I don't happen to be one of those women who can do it all.  So, I'm coming to terms with that.  I'm letting go of some things that hinder and embracing the gifts I have before me.  I realize that some goals I have won't be easily reached without giving up quite a bit of  'screen time'. 

I dearly appreciate those of you who have stuck around to read my goings on!  Some of you have even become what I would consider friends. :0)  This isn't an absolute good-bye.  It's just an I'll be seeing you a little less often.  So, friends...let me share a great freebie with you before I go today.

NASA and The American Museum of Natural History have joined forces to create a free DVD for educators and parents entitled, Journey to the Stars.  It's a planetarium show about the amazing variety of stars that dot our cosmos--exploding stars, giant stars, dwarf stars, neutron stars, even our own star!  Just go to this link to sign up for your free copy!  This is a great offer, especially for you homeschoolers out there!

You'll still be in my thoughts with much love...

Pam